Ever get this sudden overwhelm when you’re met with even the smallest of tasks?
Well, I do.
Take chatting for example.
My brain foresees the amount of anxiety I get when I eventually write that message. People-pleasing during a chat is almost like a single-player game that I needed to win. The goal is to sound as non-offensive as possible.
Spoiler alert! No one wins the game.
Getting these bouts of overwhelm is quite tiring. It’s like having sudden unwanted premonitions (that are often untrue) before I suck it up and just do the deed.
When I’m not in the right mental space, I turn the other way. I procrastinate.
I shove that negative emotion under the rug. That metaphorical rug lump will slightly bother me but at least I don’t see it.
What do go-getters understand that I don’t?
How do these go-getters and hustlers act first and think later? This concept is so foreign to my inner being.
This is not to say that they do not have struggles but, for some reason, they make starting and finishing projects easy.
I’ve googled countless methods to get me out of my head. Imagine me googling “how not to procrastinate” while procrastinating.
But no matter how much I focus on the fixing, I find myself coming back to the same destructive thought pattern.
I figured how about I find out why I keep believing my excuses.
“Why am I hesitating to post that selfie?”
“Why am I not going to the restroom when my bladder is holding on for its dear life?”
“Why am I just staring at those pile of dishes?”
I continued the trail of Why questions until I got to the end. To my surprise, the end reasons were always one of the three below.
Why do you keep getting overwhelmed by the small stuff?
1. You keep seeking external validation.
What do perfectionism, people-pleasing, and fear of failure have in common? Their dependency on external validation.
A lot of us set our standards by how much other people see us.
Funnily enough, you avoid answering that chat, not because you don’t care, but because you care too much. You’re not dressing the way you want because you’re afraid to stand out. You’re not raising your hand because it will be the death of you to be caught wrong.
But I don’t blame you. We’ve been conditioned to follow society’s rules so much your codependency is almost a reflex.
Even those who figured it out find themselves roped back in. The only difference is that they recognize when they’re held captive yet again by society’s menacing traps.
If you’re reading this, you’re heading in the right direction.
Pause and introspect. Remember that society is a fickle-minded fiend.
2. You’re unclear about the goal.
Unfamiliar tasks do this to us. The best part is that the solution to this is so absurdly simple that I laugh at how I used to struggle.
Ask.
That’s it.
The only way you get clarity is by asking. Ask a person who has done it before. Ask the internet. Ask other resources like books, your past experiences, etc.
Once you get your information, you can break down your impossible task into doable steps. It’s even fun if you add milestones. Those mini-wins will keep you going.
I get it. The actual hard part is the act of asking. For that, go back to point #1.
3. You’re physically and mentally fully booked.
If you’re this overwhelmed and triggered by the small stuff, it’s probably because your plate is already full. I’m not just talking about the tangible to-dos you have.
Delegate that ish. If you have to go back to point #1 to make it happen, I’ll send you there.
Entrust your tasks to someone capable.
Share your thoughts with someone honorable — like a great therapist or a reliable friend.
The only way to lessen a heavy load is to drop the unnecessary weight.
There is no such thing as thinking too much.
Don’t hate yourself for overthinking. Hate your unproductive thoughts.
Some personalities, like you and me, are born neurotic. Even amongst us lies different levels of neuroticism.
Since you’re never really going to be out of your head, fill it with constructive thoughts instead.
Shift the direction of your inner conversation by simply and continuously asking yourself Why. That way, you uncover the real reason why you’re still panicking to say “Yes!” to a friend’s sudden favor.
A leeway is due, of course. Ultimately, you’re bound to be faced with another overthinking dilemma.
No one is ever going to be that balanced. Is there really a human that does not break their self-care practices once in a while? I’d like to know because I highly doubt it.
Some experts will show a façade of social media perfection because, after all, they’re selling themselves. That’s not really the case behind the scenes, is it?
So forgive yourself for being imperfect. The biggest mistake you’ll ever make is what happens after failing — not trying again.
